My mind is still reeling. This morning, I was driving my son to the hospital (went into diabetic shock) and I was racing really hard to get to Taco Bell before they stopped serving breakfast (I was really fucking hungry and can't fill out those boring hospital forms on an empty stomach).
As I was speeding up to approach my favorite restaurant, I noticed police lights go on behind me. I quickly slipped my Tanto underneath the front seat and waited for the cop to come up to me.
The officer came up to my window and knocked on the glass. He asked if I could roll it down, and I rolled it down a tiny crack. He asked if I could roll it down further and I said "EEEE-YEEEH" (this is "no" in my traditional Japanese tongue for you gaijin). The cop looked confused and asked for my license and registration.
Now, as many of you know, I am a huge Amiibo collector, so suffice to say, I knew my rights. Through the crack in the window, I passed the cop a copy of the Bill of Rights and Ron Paul's book, The Revolution: A Manifesto.
After the cop read a few chapters of Ron Paul's book, he handed me back my sacred documents and was about to leave, when he heard a banging from the trunk. "Shit," I thought to myself, as I realized I had forgotten to bound my son's hands in the trunk.
The cop asked me to pop the trunk, and fearing his police brutality (I could tell this cop would kill indiscriminately if given the chance) I opened it. He was immediately taken aback by the sight of my unconscious son twitching in the trunk.
I tried to explain that it was simply due to me not wanting my son to vomit on the seats and ruin the cloth interior, but the cop did not listen and pulled out his People Killer (gun). He pointed it at me and told me I was under arrest.
This was when something amazing happened. My son awoke from his diabetic coma for a moment and said "Officer, please do not physically assault my father and then become suspended with pay for two weeks. Touch not his jaw with your gun's butt, but rather touch his heart with your words and faith." At this moment, my son went into his pocket and produced a small crucifix, which he handed to the officer.
However, this was no ordinary crucifix. The Jesus on the cross was black, and on the back of the crucifix was inscribed "#AllLivesMatter". The officer couldn't believe his eyes. "But... how... is this... possible?" he said, looking at the profound statement before him. His flesh melted off his bones like in Indiana Jones 1 and he collapsed to the ground.
In his last dying breath, my son gasped "#CopLivesMatter" and drifted off into the Shadow Realm. I closed his eyes, closed the trunk, and drove home. I had already missed Taco Bell breakfast at this point.
Anyway, how was your morning CE?
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