Thursday, December 17, 2015

First time you ever felt discriminated against?

This actually happened to me about a week ago.

Normally I've never had a problem interacting with people, but about a week ago my race became a factor. 

I was going out to dinner with a date, and when the hostess first saw me, she gave me kind of a weird look. I figured this was due to my outfit (Kenshiro Fist of the North Star T-shirt and matching headband) but just shrugged it off and was seated.

Anyway, the waitress came over and, again, gave me a weird look. She said something under her breath and then asked for my order. I requested water and for some of the complimentary breadsticks (I asked for extra, as my date was very hungry). 

What she didn't know was that the date was actually a prostitute that I was paying to NOT eat the breadsticks. I made her carry a large purse (trashbag wrapped in fake pleather material) and she started loading in the breadsticks. 

As many of you know, I am a huge Amiibo collector, so after they were packed away, I exclaimed "those breadsticks are delicious, but they do noting to satiate my huuuuuuunger!"

At this point, a middle aged man with a large mustache approached my table and told me to leave. "I am the manager of this Olive Garden. We have seen you in this restaurant twice a week for the last month," he informed me. "I know you are using these breadsticks for sandwiches for the month, and while I admire your self-starting ability and industrious nature, we simply cannot afford to provide you with these nutrient and calorie packed appetizers." 

I knew I had to think fast because otherwise I would not have any sandwiches for January. "Sir," I said. "I cannot pay for these breadsticks, but I can PRAY for these breadsticks." We then joined hands and said the Lord's Prayer. At the end of the prayer, I stated "In Ronald Reagan's name we pray."

I saw a sparkle in the eye of the manager and he pulled off his mustache, revealing himself to be none other than Ted "Smile Through the Tears" Cruz.

"My boy," Ted "Smile Through the Tears" Cruz said, "Your adherence to traditional American values of taking what you want because it is convenient by invoking religion has inspired me to beat Donald Trump and receive the GOP nomination. When I am president, I will destroy ISIS and replace all colleges with Wal Marts. " Ted "Smile Through the Tears" Cruz winked at me. "But I will need a running mate, and I'd like you as my VP, where you can have all the breadsticks you need to make sandwiches for the month ahead."

I accepted, Ted "Smile Through the Tears" Cruz kissed me on the cheek, and like that, he was gone. It turns out he was not actually the manager of Olive Garden, however, and I had to pay for the meal, which was bullshit and complete discrimination since they are supposed to be complimentary.

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