Just this past weekend, I was headed down to my local Wal-Mart to buy some truck nuts for my lifted Ford F150.
I was open-carrying my two AR-15s (two AR-15s to signify two genders), and as I was heading over to the automotive aisle, a little old woman called me over to a free sample table in between one of the aisles.
"Hello sir," she said to me. I paused the rendition of the National Anthem that I was listening to, took my hand off my heart, pulled out my earbuds, and took off my cowboy hat in respect to her.
"How can I help you, ma'am?" I said.
"Would you like to try a free sample of some turkey bacon?" She asked. I spit out my dip into my empty Monster Energy can (my third Monster of the morning) and thought for a second.
"Now miss," I said. "I don't recall reading nothing bout no turkeys in Leviticus 11. You tryin' to tell me that you fellas over at Applegate know more than the Good Book?" I reached towards my belt, prepared to pelt the old woman with bundles of Pro-Life literature I had wrapped in a rebel flag.
"Now just a second," she said, seeing my disgust. "Take a look at this picture of George W. Bush eating turkey at Thanksgiving. God spoke to this man in a dream!"
I sighed a breath of relief and took a bite of the turkey bacon. It was delicious. "Wow, this turkey bacon is better than goin' muddin in my truck on my way to the Tim McGraw concert down at the Air Force base!" I exclaimed.
I was just about to pick up a pack to purchase when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a man in army fatigues that I needed to thank for his service/invite to backyard wrestling.
Anyway, that was my liberal experience. What about you guys?
